Why “Hurry Up” Doesn’t Work: Mornings Through the Eyes of a Young Child

Mornings with young children can unravel quickly. You are watching the clock, breakfast is still on the table, someone cannot find a shoe, and suddenly your child has decided that putting on a coat is absolutely not happening. It is easy to see these moments as refusing, stalling, or not listening. But young children experience mornings very differently than adults do. Adults experience the clock. Young children experience the moment.

So Many Transitions

For us, the morning may feel like one task: We need to get out the door. For a young child, it is a series of transitions—stop playing, get dressed, eat breakfast, brush teeth, put on shoes, leave home, get into the car, arrive at school, and say goodbye. Young children are still learning how to move from one experience to another.

When we feel rushed, we naturally talk faster, give more directions, and repeat ourselves. Get dressed. Where are your shoes? Finish your breakfast. We need to go. But more urgency doesn’t necessarily help a young child move faster. Sometimes it has the opposite effect.

Independence Takes Time

Rushed mornings also create an interesting conflict. We want children to become independent, but independence is rarely efficient at first. A three-year-old putting on their own shoes will not be as fast as an adult doing it for them. A toddler learning to put on a coat may need several attempts. When we’re late, “Here, let me do it” can become the easiest solution.

Independence develops through practice. When children have time to try, make mistakes, and try again, everyday routines become opportunities to build skills and confidence. Whenever possible, allowing a little more time in the morning gives children the chance to do more for themselves without the pressure to hurry.

Making Mornings Easier

Small changes can make a big difference. Preparing clothes the night before, keeping shoes and backpacks in predictable places, giving one direction at a time, and letting children know when a transition is coming can make mornings feel less overwhelming. Offering two simple choices can also give children some control: “Would you like to put your shoes on here or by the door?”

When a child is struggling, getting closer often works better than getting louder. We can acknowledge what they are feeling while still holding the boundary: “You weren’t ready to stop playing. It’s hard to leave when you’re having fun. It’s time for shoes.” Understanding a child’s feelings doesn’t mean changing what needs to happen.

It Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect

Some mornings will still be messy. There will be missing shoes, spilled breakfasts, and days when there simply isn’t enough time to let a child do everything themselves. Helping on those mornings doesn’t undo all the opportunities they have had to practice independence.

The goal isn’t a perfectly peaceful morning. While we are trying to get everyone out the door, young children are learning how to transition, manage emotions, follow routines, and do more for themselves.

Instead of asking, “Why won’t you just hurry up?” we can begin asking, “What does my child need to be successful in this moment?”

Sometimes that small shift can make the morning a little easier for everyone.